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2011-05-09T03:02:00.001-07:00

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Humping Bunny

2010-08-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

Found this on Deviantart.com. Typical bunny hahaha!!

Slavery in the 21st Century

2010-08-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know that I haven't updated in a while. But it's not my fault! My life is no longer my own. My life now consists of nobly rescuing the masses from vast technological retardation. I battle endlessly against the conspiracies which are Powerpoint and Adobe. It may seem ridiculous, but both programs are powered against your best efforts to psychically transfer Google images into either a Powerpoint display or PDF file type.

Don't laugh! It's actually only computer nerds who know what PDF stands for in the first place, let alone know how to use it (Portable Document Format, in case you were wondering). For the rest of the world these two programs contain dark magic which requires powerful white sorcery to overcome their evil.

Enter ME!

This past week, Powerpoint attempted to lull its latest victim into a false sense of security as it happily obliged to paste a number of pictures into its murky depths of presentational display. However, its demonic soul soon surfaced as it refused to accept certain images, and I was called in to rescue the poor helpless loser... er.. I mean user.

When I finally reached the offending desktop, anarchy was imminent as Word documents, Powerpoint displays, and Internet Explorer battled for every conceivable pixel available. It was an all-out offensive manoeuvre and each program was working closely with one another. Nobody told me that the victim had chosen to store the images in a Word document to use within Powerpoint later!

This changed everything. I knew I had to act quickly to avoid a mass system failure... Or worse, my failure. There was only one way to conquer entities of such a tyrannical nature. I would have to summon the Task Manager using an ancient DOS incantation: Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Yes! I had done it! Dark magic destroyed, but I now had to deal with its victim.

The trauma was some of the worst I had ever seen. It was slowly established that their inability to save JPEG files had been their downfall. I explained that Word destroys the essence of an image. Consequently, the picture becomes a cantankerous zombie without any hope of surviving the transfer between Word and Powerpoint. It is only when JPEG files are stored within their own carefully constructed folder and allowed to roam free that they do not fall prey to the dark mystical realms of Powerpoint. Only then will Powerpoint be defeated and its presentational skills used for good.

So now you know!

Zuma the Martyr

2010-02-03T00:06:00.000-08:00

It has been joked that with the birth of Zuma’s 20th child, he has misinterpreted the meaning of being the “Father of the Nation” and is attempting to populate the country all by himself. However, I think that it was another, smaller news story that explains why JZ has decided to sow his seed so fervently. Al-Jazeera and The Times Live reported that the factory which produces the mascots for the World Cup is also manufacturing JZ figurines and dolls. Now this may not seem to have any link to his fertile loins, but these articles do highlight the fact that this factory is located in China. This revelation appears to contradict his policies surrounding the development of South African jobs by taking away business from local citizens and helping to empower one of the wealthiest nations in the world.

However, I believe that this is just a temporary fix and the big J has a few tricks up his sleeve. JZ has promised all South Africans jobs – and well-paid ones at that, so he knows that he cannot run the same type of factories as the Chinese, otherwise he would be undermining his promise to the people of SA. But, he also knows that using sweat shops are the only way to be competitive with countries like China. So I reckon that he has selflessly sacrificed himself to populate his own sweat shops to help decrease the price of ANC leather jackets, ANC collectible figurines and anything else to help ease the domination of Chinese control. So instead of judging him for not abstaining and promoting unprotected sex, you should realise that he is risking all of this for the betterment of the South African people. His selfless sacrifice will help inflation and high prices decrease as we edge out the Chinese, because unlike China, he doesn’t even have to pay his workers, they are family after all!

SA vs England 2009

2009-12-17T05:13:00.001-08:00

I haven’t written in a good long while, but after watching the first two days of the SA/Eng Test match at Centurion I’ve felt the need to say something. And hopefully, after this first innings total, the critics of Jacques Kallis will pipe down. He is a player that South Africa will possibly never replace, especially in the foreseeable future. AB de Villiers has definitely grown, and will possibly challenge many of Kallis’ batting records in years to come, provided he maintains his current potential; however, the depth that Kallis adds to the bowling attack is something that will undoubtedly never be matched by another all-rounder, both in South Africa and worldwide. This is really the point I wanted to make, not that Kallis is awesome (which he is), but that South Africa’s and England’s bowling attacks have been less than appealing in regard to the hype that surrounded this series.

It is disappointing that both teams have chosen to go into the first match of the series with only a four-man bowling attack – perhaps I’m old-fashioned in believing that Test match cricket is most exciting when the bowlers dominate, and batsmen are actually tested in their skills. However, it’s always concerning when a team is selected with such little depth, as displayed by the English when Graham Onions went off for most of the first afternoon with a calf strain. The English attack suffered severely with James Anderson and Graeme Swann having to carry most of the load – and now, on the second day, we see the South African tail wagging due to the fatigue of Anderson, and a possible injury to Stuart Broad. And yet, what is more disturbing is not that the English bowling attack is struggling, but that South Africa possibly has even less depth in their bowling line-up.

England could have utilised the abilities of Paul Collingwood (who did relatively well in the one-day series), Kevin Pieterson (who can spin the ball), or if desperation really set in, Ian Bell. But in terms of South Africa, without the abilities of Kallis or Dale Steyn, they only have the expertise of Makhaya Ntini, Paul Harris, Morne Morkel, and Friedel de Wet. If any one of those players succumb to injury, the South African team has very little to turn to – JP Duminy, Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla aren’t the most terrifying names in the bowling world. One has to wonder why, after the South African management seemed to instil so much faith in Wayne Parnell, they chose to favour a debutant instead. I honestly don’t think that Parnell, as of yet, has the experience or real skill to conquer Test match cricket, but it would at least show some faith from management that he is in their future plans. It really makes no sense that de Wet be chosen over so many other quality bowlers, such as Charl Langeveldt, Yousuf Abdulla, apart from the depth in spin that seems to be emerging in the form of Roelof van der Merwe(who can bat in infant stages) and Thandi Tshabalala. But hell, what do I know?? I’m just a girl!

Leaving A Legacy

2009-04-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

In typical fashion J always has to try and trump whatever I do, whether it be kicking my ass in English class, or coming down with some strange disease that makes my flu look like a sniffle. So last night after hearing about the strange side affliction, I started thinking that the only way she could never beat me was leaving a glorious legacy behind me. So I started thinking... First off, I need to start saving for my own tropical island, because who can do anything in the freezing wastelands of the Midlands. Once I make my first couple million I'm off!!

And I'm quite aware that that is not a legacy, but J seemed to assume that this talk made me sound like a crazed emperor. I kind of liked this idea, except unlike Nero I wouldn't be quite as silly as to set fire to and watch my own city burn. I'd find someone else's and then dance around the flames in a maniacal frenzy, and then return to my little island to watch it on CNN. By this stage J was in fits of laughter at my "weird delusions of grandeur", and I had to remind her that she was just jealous of my wonderful plan to trump her life legacy.

And in true style she pointed out that she would just surpass me in an epic death sequence after I'd been institutionalised. Could I not just have the upper hand once?? Because of this I had to re-think my whole plan, and then the most brilliant solution dawned on me... To have the strangest and most absurd death ever heard of! The plan? To be ravaged by the rabid sea turtle which would guard my island! J however, had to point out that sea turtles don't eat meat, but for once I'd thought ahead. Obviously that's what would make the whole thing so bizarre that my story would become urban legend! Imagine the headlines... Retired Loon Devoured by Pet Turtle.

Now that's a legacy!

School Safety

2009-04-05T03:57:00.000-07:00

I AM ALIVE!!! Ok so the drunken golf carting never happened, so I can't be too melodramatic. Actually the nobble and I got over the whole drunken thing after realising that we do much better when attempting to clobber each other with tennis balls in the blistering heat. Somehow it just makes the whole world seem so much happier, especially when picturing faces on balls and compellingly smacking them at another person's throat. I honestly dread the day when either of us learn aim and direction.

But in between our rapid-fire rallies yesterday, we... Ok fine... I needed a breather. At this point I discovered that the lifeguards at the pool next to the courts were as high as kites!! I'm no expert here, but I would assume being high is as dangerous as being drunk near water (and we all know what happens when I drink near water). Anyway, I don't think I'd be too perturbed by it all if these lifeguards seemed like vaguely competent swimmers themselves (I am a fish, so I wouldn't worry about giving me responsibility like that and tequila), but they needed kicker boards to stay afloat!

And I saw them "training", it wasn't like they were using the boards as floatation devices for potential victims. They looked like half-drowned rat-dogs, legs flailing everywhere, violently splashing and thrusting toward the middle of the pool. I mean I know there's not enough money to hire high class Baywatch professionals, but surely the University could at least find lifeguards that have been swimming longer than the last two weeks, and sober for at least 3 days! I mean what if I suddenly got cramp while attempting a double tuck pike on the high dive?! I wouldn't be discovered for weeks!! Hmmmm... possible dumping grounds for undesirables??? Hmmmmm..... Heh heh heh....

The Adventure Begins. . .

2009-04-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

This could be my final blog post. The nobble and our two best friends Pierre and Jose are embarking on a bikini clad golf cart extreme stunting session. How many sand traps can be clear before we over shoot into the Duzi? A hypothesis that needs further research to determine. . Watch this space.

Ps the twang has once again abandoned us for the safety of the pub. . But soon we'll convince her otherwise!

Nobbles and Twangs

2009-03-23T23:58:00.000-07:00

I have to start this post off by saying that PRIME CIRCLE ROCKED!!!!!! But what rocked even more was the opportunity to share it with the nobble. True enough, he left me to fight a hippo independently and then some with the shim. Seriously, I expected more from the twang wielding ninja style of the nob, but what can I say… I think he just knew I could handle them on my own. Actually I think he was a little scared the hippo wouldn’t see him and just walk over him and I’d already proven that I could get through, past, and over anyone who got in my way. Hahahaha.. Finally the skills developed at Crowded House have paid off somewhere. The poor nob had a hard time keeping up, eventually just clutching my hoody like a newborn with its blankie!

However, I am happy/sad (not sure yet) to say that we behaved, and apart from the interesting concoction of vodka, tequila, passion fruit and lemonade that we somehow ended up with.. cough cough.. there was no overindulgent drinking or illicit activity.. well except having to pull the nob off a pole that he mistook for a girl. Ok fine! I didn’t have to pull him off, he realised on his own when it wouldn’t give him its number. But by this stage Prime Circle were ready to play, and our inner bunnies took over, bouncing and shrieking. Well mine did in any case, the nobble just stared and laughed at me. This wasn’t proper behaviour for someone my age he told me, that and we need to have a serious discussion regarding my taste in men. Not my fault he’s turned into a Tellytubby – karmic justice if you ask me.

However the verdict is in – nobbles are compulsory at concerts, next time though we have to bring the twang along. The two of them can fight the hippos away from the bar together – and then I won’t have battle bruises the next morning, just a good old fashioned hangover!

I'm Now Judging!

2009-03-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I've now just had enough of lazy people! If this post offends you, then good! You deserve to be offended, because I know too many people who work their asses off each day who are not rewarded, while lazy gits like you park off! I was talking to Cait this morning, and she agreed - people who bitch about being over-weight, do nothing about it, assume it's God's cosmic joke on them, and then sit down with a Coke and pie in front of them while they complain, grind me to a point where I want to beat them with that can!

And now I've just read the most ridiculous piece in the Sunday Times about a family in the UK who are proud of being obese, and being lazy! They refuse to work because they are so overweight, and believe the government should pay them more in disability every month because of it. Um.... Right.... Why the hell don't we all just move there, claim disability, and eat chocolate all day? See how the great British empire and economy looks then!

But here's my favourite part: They won't exercise because they just don't have the time - I'm sorry, what?? You don't work, why on earth do you not have time to exercise? Oh wait, it's because they claim they are too busy watching TV!! Seriously?!? You have got to be kidding me?! They admit that watching TV tires them out so much, that they have to nap in the afternoons. Seriously?! And you think you deserve to be given money by the government, by people who work their butts off to pay taxes, so you can do that?? No wonder they want to introduce a sin tax on chocolate, with people like this around!

This is why we have reached a global recession. People have become too damn lazy to earn their keep, and expect everyone else to fix their problems. You can't keep blaming everyone else for your problems, cause trust me, I know people who deal with a hell of a lot more every day, and they are not given any sort of special treatment (even though they deserve it far more).

Some would say people like this should be put down, I have a better solution. Stop paying for them to do nothing! Make use of them. Ship them to Chinese sweat shops! Hell.. Ship them to my office! Put the Coke down, start paying for yourself, and learn some bloody responsiblity!! You do not deserve anything, except judgement and condemnation from society, not disability cheques!

Shew! Ok.. Rant done... I needed that :)

Beneath My Skin

2009-03-16T11:37:00.001-07:00

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
but I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head it’s like a face that I hold inside
face that awakes when I close my eyes
face that watches every time I lie
face that laughs every time I fall
(and watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me - right underneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

Here we go again with the pain I feel that isn’t real. But in my mind
when I find myself in places with names but not faces
my memory races at speeds
hundred degrees
my soul it bleeds
devil must've planted the seed
now it feels like my backs against the wall, I'm takin the fall
whenever I call nobody's responding at all
but I don’t know who I can trust, they screaming my name
I need somebody to help me out of the flame

All I'm trying to do is just master me
all I wanna do is smoke a blasta beat
but something keeps talking to me consciously, responsibly
it keeps haunting me

From dusk til dawn everyday has something for ya
that voice inside of ya head has got you projecting paranoia.
Cold sweat, shining on your face exposing your purpose
and if I, ripped off your skin I'd probably find a, 'nother person
There’s nothing thing worse than trying to bring yourself up back from the dead
so I advise you listen to that voice in the back of you head

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
the sun goes down

its like I'm paranoid
I feel the light betray me
the sun

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

Viva Comrade Malema!

2009-03-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

I was honestly saddened when Obama was sworn in, because it was then I realised that no longer would we have baby Bush saying the most amazingly stupid things to brighten our days. Well, that’s what I thought until sweet, little, comrade Julius barged onto the scene. True, he made not have the international appeal of the babe, but his foot-in-mouth antics are still fun and at times very educational.

Like his latest little quip regarding JZ’s rape acquittal, in which he stated that: “When a woman didn’t enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, request breakfast and ask for taxi money.” To be fair, at first this made me want to punch his head in, but after a few glasses and deep thought, I thought: “Holy crap!! This guy is actually quite forward thinking. The woman gets to request breakfast?!”

Obviously I’ve been doing things all wrong all these years. Yes, I think I like the way this man thinks. He knows his place - not only does he acknowledge that it should be the man slaving away in the kitchen, but that it should be done at dawn, awaiting her as she wakes up.

Ok, the asking for taxi money thing is a little prostitutey, but in fairness, if a man wants to fork over cash let him do it – you’ll let him buy you clothes for goodness sake, why not give you taxi money (just make sure it’s a stretch taxi with tinted windows and a champagne fountain).

The only thing I’m going to have to disagree with you on, little one, is the assumption that woman who didn’t enjoy it leave before sunrise. Usually you only realise that you haven’t enjoyed it when there’s enough sunlight to see what you went home with the night before. Chances are the sun will come up, she’ll have that oh my God, what did I do moment, and will run. But I’m sure that has never happened to our esteemed comrade, whose culinary skills are after all, legendary in the press.

OMG!! I Forgot!!

2009-03-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

After all this talk about bunny invasions and trying to get all this stupid work done, oh and being sick.. I have forgotten my most important calling in life. Something that I have been so passionate to create, and I went and forgot it... tsk tsk... I really am starting to lose it. I am of course talking about developing my army of to-the-death toddler stick fighters!

It is still my dream to open a school where Ritalin popping mothers can bring their deprived ADHD children to a place where their extra energy will be put to good use. You see, not only will my stick fighting techniques help better mankind in the ultimate human bunny battle, but it also gives mothers who are in need of a break a much welcomed school of energy depletion.

I have a dream... hahahaha.. sorry couldn't resist..

But this little training centre would take toddlers of all shapes and sizes, and arranged them into pain tolerance levels, wouldn't want the cry babies on the battle field would we? And then they will be trained by highly skilled eight year olds in the art of bullying, smacking and biting. Once they have mastered these abilities they will be allowed to choose their stick of choice, ranging from the whipping young sapling, a hard tree branch, or (my personal favourite) the stinging nettle branch still intact with leaves at the tip.

The bunnies don't stand a chance mwahahahaha!!!!

They're Here!!

2009-03-03T01:50:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I’m kinda scared. THAT time of year is fast approaching… you know, that awful feeling as the air gets colder, the days get shorter, and all of a sudden you notice the influx of bunnies!! Everywhere!! Bunnies!! And it seems that only I have realised the true and terrifying implications that this fact holds. You have all been fooled into thinking that this is some religious holiday.. PAH!! Silly, silly minions… Can you not see that the bunnies are preparing for world domination? Let me put the facts into perspective for you:

1) The bunny holiday starts earlier and earlier every year, soon the whole year will be consumed by capitalist rabbit exploitation
2) It lasts longer every year to empty the shelves of bunny merchandise, so further fuels the evidence in point one
3) The bunnies carry eggs… Last I checked bunnies were mammals and didn’t lay eggs. So why the need for eggs? Obviously they are cleverly disguised weapons of mass destruction; this is why Bush could never find any!
4) Based on the former fact, it is obvious that Saddam was working for the bunny overlord, a diabolical genius who is still out there looking for another pawn to use… Obama perhaps??
5) Why are all of them always smiling? They must know something that we don’t… Like they are planning a global invasion. Remember 2 bunnies equal 6000 in a matter of hours!
6) Finally, they’re fluffy!! Enough said!

You have been warned!!

Dear Crazy Bitch

2009-03-02T01:07:00.000-08:00

Wes has given me full permission to reply to an e-mail he received from, for less than a better phrase, a crazy bitch, so in true female style... It's on!!

Dear Crazy Bitch

I'd first like to point out to you, that when writing a letter to someone it's polite to not only use correct grammar, but to use words in the correct context! Just because Word's thesaurus says it's a synonym does not mean you can use it in the same way. So stop pretending that you smarter than you are, because let's face it.. Someone in your profession has a higher shoe size, so stop trying to surpass it... It'll never happen!

Secondly, where the hell do you get off claiming your autonomy on the matter.. Oh wait, sorry big word that you'll never get... let me re-phrase.. How is it possible that you think all of this was your decision? From what I've heard, and believe me, I know far more than anyone realised considering who I was dating at the time, you need to consider your words more carefully! I'm sure, even with your limited range of intellect, you understand the saying "It takes two to tango", and in this case it seems that your tangoing has slipped your memory.. because after all.. only the tangoing was your decision, not the events which followed. So stop assuming that anyone is pining, fawning or wanting the deceit and poison that you radiate.

Finally, when someone says go away and not to reply, you do not ask to be friends!! There's a reason they don't like you, and in this matter, not liking is a mild term. Get on with your life chick! Why try dwell and live in the past.. the mistakes were yours and no-one elses!

PS Are you using duct tape this time to keep the new appendage from falling off?

Alcohol Was Invented So Ugly People Could Also Get Laid

2009-02-28T06:04:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that awful cliché: “Birds of a feather flock together”; well and I've realised that I’ve never really grasped the full reasoning behind this saying. Yes, it does mean that people who come from the same background will stick together, because you understand each other far easier than someone who comes from a different upbringing. I mean have you ever associated with an Oribite? They just don’t think about things, or function in the same way as the rest of normal society. Sorry… mean I know… but hey, I’m a mean person… deal with it. But the part that I never quite realised has to do with that other old saying: “Never date someone out of your league”.

Think about it… Whenever you see a really gorgeous girl with some old, bald guy you automatically think either, gold digger, he’s fantastic in bed, or her boss; no-one ever thinks wow lucky guy. As shallow as it is, no-one ever goes down a league place unless they can gain something from it. And of course you’ll look to go up… It makes you look brilliant being with someone whose better looking or younger or both. But I’m getting sidetracked… I’m not even talking about dating, or infatuations. My point is this: have you ever actually looked at various groups of people? This birds of a feather thing, doesn’t really have much to do with backgrounds, it all has to do with appearance. The people that you hang out with are a good indicator to what league you actually fit into. And depending on which group of people you go out with determines what type of people you may have random conversation with.

Seriously, how often do you see a group of really attractive people with one or two bottom-feeders? Hardly ever!! And if you do, the chances are that those one or two people hanging on are trying to make themselves feel better about being an ass monkey… and the attractive people are probably using them to buy drinks, do their homework, or gain a job promotion. And it works the other way round too… Don’t think I’m being one-sided… You hardly ever see a group of heinous looking obese prawns with really stunning looking people. And when you do, it’s usually because that one gorgeous person suffers from ugly duckling syndrome. That or they just really need to get laid… and let’s face it… your chances of success are far higher if you hang out with the beasts than with the beauties. It just makes you look that much better... And if you just happen to fall into the bottom-feeder category be thankful that alcohol was invented.. After all.. You drink cause they ugly and you horny!

Hmmm...

2009-02-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have learnt two things… Good Lord!! Do we ever stop learning?? So guess three things. One we never stop learning, aaaaggghhh!!! Two, that red bull indeed does give you wings heh heh heh… And three, and I’m afraid that this is where I’m gonna get all deep, is that at times you have to go against everything that your gut is telling you to do, just to keep things sane.

Perhaps I’m being rather cryptic, something I’ve been told is not always a bad thing ;)

But I guess, at times I can see so much of what is in front of me that I don’t necessarily want to stare at it, so I try to pretend it’s not there… Shew this really is getting a bit tangenty (My new invented word :)).

I know that writing a Masters (and yes… I know it’s JUST a Masters) has its rollercoaster moments, but it seems that it might be the wrong decision. Not because I can’t do it, or that it doesn’t challenge me, but rather that I keep getting shown what else is out there… What I’m missing out on! There’s so much out there… How do you know when you’ve made the right decision? Sorry, this is turning into one huge metaphor for something else… How bout I just leave it as.. I’m confused about life.. Any suggestions?? Anyone??

Pink Bunnies

2009-02-24T00:19:00.000-08:00

I decided that because of the nature of my Masters, I couldn't write about something without having tried it first, so I put together my own mashed creation. Here it is, my first attempt... Not perfect, but hell with the amount of time it took, I don't think it's too bad

My Intervention

2009-02-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

So on Friday, after a really long week of being sucked into frenzied brilliance (not mine I might add) my sister decided I needed to get out. Think she was worried that I hadn't had a drink for TWO days!!! And she and a bunch of the squash peeps had organised dinner and drinks at the Keg, so I got over having an early night, got out my PJs and hit the bar.

Pity that by the time we got there, Jen was in a foul mood, Kylie was attempting to appease the beast, and I was half asleep. This didn't work for me, so I went to the bar, opened a tab (OH MY GOD!! My bank account!!), and started on double vodkas and Red Bull! Don't worry, during dinner I cut it down to singles, especially after I realised it was costing me R50 a drink for doubles!!

Unfortunately, my poor little bank card wasn't done after I made friends with some random Aussie at the bar. Then the jager bombs, triple vodkas started, and intense conversation about what constitutes logic began! How I'm still alive, I'm not sure... Apparently that much Red Bull is bad for you.. Or at least that's what the waitress told me, and that I'm too young to be drinking so much and putting that much pressure on my heart...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... She don't know me very well does she??

Anyway, if I'd had my way I think a re-occurence of the Playboy Bunny night would have surfaced. Oh god!! Can you imagine what I might have brought home this time??

Pregnancy and Wine

2009-02-20T05:38:00.000-08:00

EEEEKK!!! It's been over three months since I wrote anything... Well I have, just haven't published it cause more than likely I'm gonna offend someone. But I felt inspired after buying my weeks supply of booze on Wedneday! While I was standing to pay at the till (Yes sometimes I do follow the rules), the most ridiculously stupid pamphlet caught my eye. Now please remember that I'm in the bottle store... This pamphlet was advertising the benfits of healthy eating whilst pregnant. IN A BOTTLE STORE!!

I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but as far as I was aware no pregnant person (male or female, I'm not judging) should be anywhere near booze... It's one of the most important reasons that I'm never having children. I mean who in their right mind would give that up for a issue-ridden little person who hates you??

But seriously, what bright spark thought that that would be a good place to leave a pregnancy advice adverisement?! Surely, if you are pregnant and actually buying drinks in order to see the ad you're a lost cause already?? Maybe try put it near the veggies people... At least you know those people are vaguely interested in a healthy lifestyle. And if anyone was serious about doing some form of marketing research they would just stick it onto ice-cream and pickle jars?? That's all pregnant women want after all... Well that, and for all men to stay the hell away from them.. I mean it's their fault that she's the size of a hippo on Supersized McDonalds!

Impossible Not to Smile at This

2008-11-07T01:37:00.000-08:00

This video just makes everything so much better... You can't deny it... Bunnies have power and they on their way toward taking over the world!!

The Myth of True Intelligence

2008-11-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

A wise person once told me that one can only claim true intelligence if one can recognise happiness as it occurs in a moment, and not look back on your past to find a moment of happiness. The cynic in me wants to say that no-one is then possible of true intelligence, because happiness does not really exist, but then again, I’m cynical because I’m bitter of what once was, thus ironically limiting the intelligence of a person who requires knowledge to find peace within them self.

Unfortunately, or fortunately whichever way you choose to look at it, it seems that most of the times in which we are happy, are the times in which we feel the most free. Have you noticed that all stories which deal with paradise and utopian societies have free and open societies, without any forms of judgement? Free from the judgement of others, free of the rules of society, and free from our own inhibitions. Sadly, we judge ourselves the most harshly, and create virtual prisons in which we cage our true feelings and personas, worried of what judgement may befall us, ironically frightened most of what we may discover about ourselves that we have buried long ago, under the weight of social burden. Every now and then however, we come to find our freedom, usually through activities which society frowns upon; and yet we engage in it, because by freeing ourselves from societal rules, generally frees our being of our own inhibitions. Free societies have generally depicted the relaxed open use of many illegal and intoxicating substances. Is it possible that as a race, this is our downfall? Have we progressed so far into playing by someone else’s rules, of which we are not even certain who or what that someone is, that in order for us to find a moment of freedom, and thus true happiness, we need to drug ourselves into feeling it?

Yes, perhaps it is the cynic in me that is proclaiming this, and some might argue that at times you can feel euphoric after achieving an accolade, or watching a child play. But then, is that not too achieving freedom in some way? Watching a child play is observing pure innocence and freedom; blissful ignorance shading them from a harsh world that has yet to disillusion their freedom. And gaining some sort of achievement pulsates the body with euphoric chemicals released from the brain, allowing for that brief moment, the opportunity to feel once again, what it means to be free and alive. After all, as much as we would like to admit our dominance and mastery as a race, has our ability to stifle our freedom not constrained our ability to be? Can we really claim the title of the most successful lineage and intelligence levels on Earth, when ultimately we are the least free of all animals; entrapped by our own walls of mistrust and suspicion regarding each other and ourselves?

Fear of You

2008-11-04T01:38:00.000-08:00

So many have told me that ignorance is bliss... and frankly, I can believe that to a cetain extent. Not knowing something is often the best thing for you. Strangely though, it's possibly the thought of the unknown that is one's own worst enemy. Attempting to think about the unknown, and forming our own assumptions about it, can lead even the most sane down a tunnel of madness. Continually questioning that which remains unanswered creates more questions, which in turn transforms our worst assumptions into a personal torture of self-doubt and guilt.

Denial is often the only solution to this problem, burying one's head in the sand, and hiding until the questions subside or are distracted away. However, denial can only last as long as your emotional state of being can stay intact. Smile sweetly, until it cracks and breaks that which it hides. But a smile can only hide so much... Slowly a person is consumed from the inside out, which ultimately breaks that smile. The worst of the unknowns feed the void of emptiness in the pit of your stomach, creating a black hole of nothingness that cannot be filled, except by answers that can never be solved.

Many have asked why I always need to be right and have an answer for everything, well I think that's the reason.. I'm petrified of the unknown. To know that someone knows something about you, or something you don't, is possibly my personal hell.. That eternal what if, of wondering and not knowing, knots my insides, churns my sanity and cements every insecurity that I have in place. Knowledge is the only assurance I have, that I am valuable. Without it, what I am?

Ranting, Raving and Venting

2008-10-01T03:41:00.000-07:00

I am on the verge of committing various forms of violent acts involving large blunt spoons, super paper cuts, and something that I'm still deciding on, involving plastic explosives, stuffed bunnies and a very big stick. Things have gotten completely out of hand, and to be frank, I do not have a free day over the next month to do anything except work, mark, and stare hopelessly into the abyss that is my Masters. Remind me again why I bothered with this stupid idea?

Oh wait... I remember now.. Because I am stupid.. DUH!! Sorry, with stupidity comes slowness. And to make matters worse, I have to write an academic paper based on that nonsense I wrote about Facebook last year (cause no-one is over this topic yet!! YAWN). Oh but wait, there's even more joyful news that coincides with this piece of work.... They planning it over the Hallowean weekend so we can all go to a costume party in the evening. Nobody seems to understand how much I cringe at the thought of those sorts of things... but it's fine.. it's all for the good of the department and I can just get them back by going as a gardner, or a giant toilet roll... or better... in my stinky, sweaty cricket pads as Hansie's ghost! God, I have tact! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Disclaimer

2008-09-08T01:04:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that silly silly people thought that it would be a good idea to refer to my blog as an example of what Media students are participating in online. Now I have no problem with this really.. Except that the silly silly people which I am referring to, hint that I use my blog in an academic way, contributing toward the public sphere of global communication. So I feel it is only necessary and my public duty to correct any assumption that this blog may be in any way important or educational.. IT'S NOT!!

The point of this blog is for me to say what I like about various stupid things, make myself laugh at how stupid I am, hopefully get others to laugh as well, and generally destroy any sense of innocence you ever saw in the Sound of Music or Bambi! I am a disturbed Masters student who has a mind scared of leaving the gutter and loves to procrastinate instead of work :) So, if you've come here thinking you are going to find academic brilliance, then I am afraid you have been horribly deluded. All you are likely to find here are evil bunnies, red dresses, and the occassional story of massacaring students with a chainsaw and blunt spoons!

Snuggle Bunny is Sick and Perverted

2008-08-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today I'd just had enough of everything and got it into my head that watching lame YouTube videos might inspire my sad little life. I found a few that disturbed me, I mean how much spare time do people have that they can create such crap!!?? And then I had this absolutely brilliant plan, to prove once and for all that bunnies are evil and out to get us. But what I found has surpassed even my worst fears. The Snuggle Bunny song!!

This video, whilst distracting us with cute fur, big puppy-dog eyes and the sweetest little squeaky voice singing has perverted undertones that everyone should be warned about. This sweet and innocent looking bunny clutches a giant carrot while singing a love song about always being together. Besides the fact that this carrot looks like a giant orange dildo, the bunny keeps hugging, holding and kissing it! And almost as an indication towards climaxing, every time the little fiend gives its carrot an extra special squeeze, stars explode in the night's sky like fireworks in an old Hollywood movie when the two lovers finally come together in the final scene.

And if you don't believe me, I've embedded the evil bunny's video into this post so you can be the judge... All I can say though, is that I warned you so don't come crying to me when your eyes are burnt for all eternity. Oh.. and one more thing... Don't look into its eyes for too long. You'll become a carrot loving bunny doer if you do... EVIL I tell you!!

Money is Happiness

2008-08-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

So I got over the whole insult the world thing, to be fair I'm a little scared of going after people who are a lot smarter than me, so we'll leave the academics alone for a while. Instead I'd like to share the epiphany that I had while surfing on a medically induced hazy cloud. I've often said that money equals happiness, only to be shot down by the eternal optimists of the world, who tell me that happiness is a state of being that the capitalists have no control over... Happiness is realising what you need and obtaining it, not what you want and getting it.

BAH!! I have news for all of you. And I have logic to back it all up with. You see, like every emotion to be happy is a chemical process, a process that some of us help kickstart with nice little white pills. But happiness as in the higher state of being is really just a virtual state of mind. It doesn't really exist because no-one can ever truly be happy, we are all trying to achieve a state of being which is completely virtual and unproven.

This leads me to my whole argument, money is happiness. Money like happiness does not truly exist. Think about this carefully, all money is virtual. If I go to the bank and say I want to trasfer money from my account to yours, I will never actually touch that money. It doesn't exist! It's a completely virtual transaction and the person who receives that money will never see it either. It disappears into the bottomless pit of debit orders, debt and overdrafts. Does it not? And the physical money you touch, is really just worthless pieces of paper given a virtual value.

Therefore, logic dictates that because both are virtual and something that everyone has a dire need to achieve.. they must equal the same thing..

Therefore MONEY=HAPPINESS!

Academics Are Next!!

2008-08-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

So I promised that after I went after the fat people I'd go after the academics around the world.. ok so I guess I don't know that many.. and in fact I kinda like the ones I know so I really don't have much room to complain. So then what to bitch and moan about? First years?? Been there!!! Uh.. Men.. Oh wait.. Done that too.. Um... Monkeys?? Wait.. Why would I do that? They so cute and cheeky.. Like me :) Oh wait, I digress... Hmmm... Let's think about this for a while...............

Well I can't really think about who to bitch about in general.. And after listening to a third year lecture today, I guess I really shouldn't stereotype so. Sorry obese American people.. You are special too.. Fat.. But special! AAAAGGGHHHHH!!! This is gonna take some time to think about... Let me get back to you in a few days!

If I Wasn't Gonna Get Sued Before... I am Now!!

2008-07-28T01:04:00.001-07:00

So after my last post, I was warned by the wise slave-driver lady that I could have a hefty law suit on my hands. This got me thinking... Could I have really insulted people quite so much that they'd want to come after poor li'l old me?? I have visions of 40 million obese Americans chasing me with pitch forks and flames... But hey, I then realised.. They gotta catch me first!

And whilst I generally run like a spastic frog in a blender I'm confident to say that I could outrun them all... Besides all I'd have to do would be to run past the closest McDonalds, and I'd lose most of them to the alluring smell of melted cheese over cow carcass. I'm not an optimist and know that some will continue in their vengeful rampage, but I still have Plan B... Find the nearest gym and hide! Most are unaware that they exist and those that do are too scared to enter.

I'm sure that whilst I would have lost most by now, the few that remain will be driven by the thought of how many doughnuts they can buy with the money they win after litigation. And this I have to say poses a huge problem... Cause all I think is that even ten morbidly obese people running down the street, whilst probably causing more earthquakes, will contribute to global warming even more so. Just think of the body heat created by a running fat person... It would be enough to melt the entire ozone!!

But then again, if one wants to be optimistic I would hope that after all the stampeding, those that were really determined to get me would have finally burnt off all that excess weight. And then just think.. What could they really sue me for? Making them healthy? Like that's gonna stand up in court!! They should pay me for the service I'm providing! So on that note, I say BRING IT!!

The True Reason Behind Global Warming

2008-07-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

I knew it was a bad idea at the time. Watching Carte Blanche is not a show to watch when you need some sort of upliftment, but I got dragged to the TV lounge to watch a half ton woman being cut out of her home because she was too fat to fit through the door. After seeing that I vowed I'd never eat again,it was traumatic for someone who already has body issues. If food has the possiblity to make you grow to the proporation where you need a chainsaw to cut through the wall every time you want to leave the house I don't want it thank you!

And what's worse, is that this type of obesity was not an isolated case, apparently it is becoming more and more common every day... hence NO MORE FOOD... EVER!! But it did get me thinking, and the wise person sitting next to me pointed out that as the world is becoming a fatter place, so more and more natural disasters are taking place. Coincidence... I think not!!!

Let's think this through logically... and I do not mean proving that it's Dave's fault for winter type of logic either... This is true logic. The more we eat the more resources we use, and so the more strain we put on the environment in terms of having to sustain our insatiable appetites. Therefore, the more resources we use up the quicker global warming becomes and so more natural disasters occur.

Besides this... and this is where I am just gonna be blatent and mean, so if you are easily offended turn away now... The heavier we get the more impact we have on tectonic plates, which would explain the rise in earthquakes and tsunamis recently. Think about it, 40 million obese Americans jumping up and down, hypothectically of course because I am sure like elephants they cannot jump, but still... imagine the damage that would do to the ground. They have always predicted that an earthquake would cause California to fall off into the sea, and at the rate Americans are going it's going to be the fault of fat people crushing those plates. Oh my gosh!! I just had a realisation... Imagine... California falls off into the sea and all those whales go in afterwards... The entire east Asian coast will be flooded by giant waves!! That's it, I'm making sure I can't be blamed for that one... NO MORE FOOD... And I'm moving to higher ground!!

Coke + Children = Armageddon

2008-06-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

After spending another weekend in the company of a sugar-enforced little person, I've realised that life insurance may be the way of guaranteeing I live to graduate my Masters. Much to my amusement I've been compared to Mary Poppins when dealing with mini humanoids... seriously are people stupid?? No one should ever be that silly... I let them do what they want in order to gain their trust... and once they think that they have someone to beat upon, I sum up their strengths and weaknesses to determine what role they are gonna play in my munchkin army!!

At the moment I've discovered a certain 8 year old who is perfect to lead my militia division... He has a strange fascination with explosives and no fear of getting blown up... The perfect balance between naivety of war and pure unadulterated destruction. Mwahahahahahaha!!! I have a discovered, after obtaining several broken ribs and a bloody nose, that once infused with sugary goodness the sweet innocence of childhood is replaced with primal animal rampaging, and so I have decided that before my army can be formed, I need to enrich their lives with vast cascading pools of Coke...

Once I have mastered the art of free-flowing Coke and keeping the little ones stickiness free (after all, we wouldn't want the weapons faltering because they too are sugar coated) I will have the world's first unstoppable army... Never sleeping, primal energy, and pure adrenalin will ensure victory and eventual world domination!!

Should Children Be Watching This?

2008-05-13T01:51:00.000-07:00

After finding that yet again, DSTV's boastful array of channels had nothing really to watch, I switched to old faithful.. The Disney Channel. I wasn't too impressed though that at 10pm they had on Disney's Funhouse, a show aimed at toddlers and various other little people. But after flipping through 100+ channels my finger was just too tired to flip away, and so I started watching CGI Mickey and Donald help Goofy get ready for a date with a cow.

What kind of message is Disney trying to send, making a dog like Goofy go for a cow? Perhaps, they've finally gotten past their issues of race, colonialism, and xenophobia and are sublimally telling the little munchkins that it's ok to be with someone not quite like you. And all I can say to that is well done Disney, it took you bloody well long enough!

And whilst this step forward is earth-shattering for Disney purists, one thing that did disturb me was Mickey and Donald teaching Goofy how to dance. You would think being on Disney they would teach him to waltz or dare I say it.. Improve his hot dog dance, a relatively innocent jumping around kind of dance. Unfortunately, after watching this I have come to see how Britney could have gone from Mouseketeer to the head-shaving super skank we see today.

Donald was the one who inspired this dance, a dance called the Hop Hop Shake, in which Donald hops around and then turns his feathery little ass to the camera and shakes it for all its worth. Parents blame skanky Britney for their pre-zit pre-teens' suggestive habits and now I've come to see that it has been Donald and Mickey all along shaking that ass and corrupting the innocent minds of impressionable Oompa-Loompas.

Melt Downs Lead to Frozen Dessert

2008-04-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so it wasn't really a melt down, it just sounds funky as a heading. But since yesterday's drama, when our supervisor thought Michelle was about to die, it seems to be that the order of business has been cake, waffles, and copious amounts of ice-cream. I now know why none in the department pursued medicine, because to be fair they have the strangest remedies for different situations.

Michelle felt faint and had a little chest pain... so remedy... cake!! I'm not quite sure how this was meant to help. Shame though, everyone was so worried that she might die and then they'd have to do all the work that they had pawned off onto her. I know that if you have a sugar low cake is good, but maybe it would have been a better idea to hand over some aspirin if they weren't sure.

But my favorite part of yesterday, was when I had a slight asthma attack on the way to lunch, and so was trying to control my breathing.. the remedy this time... a threat of an adrenaline shot!! Um... I'm no expert here, but surely that would kill me??!! I think I am rather hurt now.

I guess that's why Michelle suggested ice-cream today, try make me feel a little better after it was hinted certain people wanted me dead. Not that the ice-cream really did anything to help my mood, it actually made me feel sick, but watching Mich create a cheesecake cookie chocolate milkshake was rather entertaining. Almost as entertaining as watching the waitress's face when she ordered an ice-cream sundae with cheesecake on the side. Oh, plus the random little person who gave Mich shoes to watch... What the hell was that all about??

I Give Up

2008-03-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I ran into Hilton whilst he was prostituting his little self in front of the Quarry Spar.. well waiting for his mommy to pick him up after work. He said I looked stressed and well frankly, that was an understatement. Here's my little list and why after yesterday I found a close and unbreakable bond to Lister, no not the new media guru, but my ledge. Lister offers me hope that once this list gets too long he is there to help me throw first years off.

1) First year essays must be marked by Friday, they take about three hours each to mark and are crap, oh and I have 27 of them to do

2) Second year tuts must go on as planned and I must also mark all their silliness

3) They also have essays which must be marked, and after reading their tuts I wonder what amazing insights they'll have for me there

4) SACOMM abstract must be written.. apparently writing a paper for a conference is a good idea and it'll make a good chapeter for my MA

5) Oh crap, my MA, right need to get that proposal in and write the introduction.. dammit.. how could I forget bout this one

6) Then there's all that Access nonsense that I thought would be a good idea but now is just taking up time... sigh... at least these students are worthwhile

7) Meetings.. all I can say is GRRRRRRRR!!!!

8) Covering for other certain Masters students who have gone AWOL after the doctor gave them bad news

9) Dodging the doctor

10) Lack of sleep because randoms decide to do tanker rally driving up and down my street at two in the morning

11) Oh... and of course my favorite, keeping civil to certain undesirables (sorry Mich, didn't mean to steal your adjective)

The list carries on, but I don't have time to write any more because guess what... I have second years to tutor SIGH!!

Insight Into a First Year Brain

2008-03-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the process of marking the first essay that our darling little firsties write for Media, and I gotta say that I have been educated in ways that I never dreamed were possible. In one way I dread this essay, because I know that no matter how hard we try to educate them and tell them how an academic essay at University level is supposed to be written, they will decide to challenge authority and do their own thing. And so it takes me an hour an essay to mark, just fixing all the mistakes that we have already told them not to do.

However, the one thing I do enjoy in life is a good scare.. and believe me.. the facts that firsties present are indeed scary. If these 'facts' are what they are being taught at school then I have been away from school far longer than I had thought because I definitely did not learn anything like this.

One of my favorite fun facts, learnt today, was that South Africa is a democracy.. unlike America. America not a democracy??!!! I'm sure they kinda invented the concept, didn't they? Or did the Bush administration finally get their way and kick out all the Democrat opposition after seeing their white male dominant power slipping through their fingers?

But I guess my favorite thing about firstie essays is that they think they are all already experts in their field. They think that they know enough about everything not to consult those grey-haired old men who have been researching this stuff since cave drawings were invented and rather just say things like: "Ideas have pointed to all journalists being corrupt"... Um... Really? Are ALL journos the scum of the planet? Are they aware that they are calling some very important people (people who will be marking their exams) scum? And whose ideas are these.. because I've yet to find anyone actually naming anybody.. but I suppose you wouldn't wanna give up your source.. being a journalist and all ;)

Oh my little ones.. what deluded little planets you come from. Free advice: Actually do proper research next time and listen to what the wise lecturer lady tells you. You could surprise us all and actually make a valid argument after 3 years. Good luck!!

Reply to Ms Atagana

2008-03-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms Atagana

I refer to your previous blog post in which you accuse me of refering unfairly to your mad nature. The world will judge you for eating an entire cake on your own; especially when an innocent baker (who so kindly baked the cake for you) asks if she may have a piece of said cake and you virtually transform into a confectionary soldier, fighting to protect your precious chocolately goodness.

And further more, when one spends two months salary on DVDs before even seeing a paycheck and starving... or rather, contributing toward destroying a certain poor lecturer's credit card bill because she worries that you, Ms Atagana, may faint from starvation resulting from this DVD spending... I think I am valid in referring to you as mad.

And if this still does not convince you.. It takes one to know one.. So there!!!!

Kind regards

Ignorance Will Doom Us All

2008-03-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

Whilst watching the recent strike regarding accommodation on campus, I was disgusted to overhear a student remark that the strikers should stop being so inconsiderate, shut up, and just be thankful that they have a roof over their heads. Later, another student asked if I had pointed and laughed at these same strikers. Both remarks, I must admit, incensed me slightly because I realised that not only were these students ignorant to the hardships of less fortunate students, but that they were completely unsympathetic and disinterested in trying to understand those hardships.

It seems to me that it is this ignorant and disinterested nature that is making racism and xenophobia such a prevalent part of South African life; aspects that should be, not to sound to idealistic, eradicated given our turbulent history. Of course, I don’t expect racism or xenophobia to disappear, it never will, but I would like to think that in an educated world, people would become more respectful of each other’s differences. Traditionally, universities have been places in which one learns to question society and to consider things that don’t always fall neatly into their little boxes; however it seems that university life in South Africa at the moment is breeding more right-wing thinking and less open understanding.

The recent video of UFS students forcing university domestic workers to drink warmed dog food containing urine, has quite rightly outraged many people around the country. However, what could be seen as more outrageous are the many more people who actually support what these students did. And I’m not including silly groups which support leaders that fall off horses, but well-informed, well-educated, upper-middle class society. It troubles me that firstly, anyone could consciously make another person do what these poor workers were put through and secondly, that others would actually celebrate these students, and instead blame the university for forcing integration.

The notion of forced integration baffles the mind; apparently the intelligence of South African society has digressed to rival the brain capacity of a suicidal cow. For almost 15 years, it has been illegal to exclude or separate people based on their racial differences, and yet it seems to have come as a surprise to students, administration, and a portion of the greater public, that we are no longer an apartheid state.

Perhaps I am horribly deluded, but surely it was the separatist notions of the past that were unnatural and forced? Whilst it is true that most people feel the most comfortable with others who have a similar background, it does not give anyone the right to segregate themselves. Honestly, I doubt that anyone foresaw such backward thinking on the matter after the abolishment of the Nationalist government. And whilst, I’m not suggesting that the past will instantly be forgotten or that we are all going to join hands, prancing in a circle, singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning”; I would expect, especially from the students of today, to be respectful of one another as human beings.

And yet, from where I see things, less and less consider the similarities of each other, and more and more look to chastise those who are not from the same background or belief system. It worries me to think, that in a world that is fast becoming more global and hybridised, that the future professional leaders of South Africa are stemming from such an ignorant and jaded gene pool.

I don’t propose to have a viable solution to this problem, but I do think that a way forward is for students to get off their complacent backsides and begin treating people like human beings and stop making excuses as to why some people deserve better than others.

Procreation is a Bitch

2008-03-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

Speak to any female and you'll get the same response.. Men are incredibly frustrating, not too bright and have egos far too large for a species of their limited abilities. And yet we put up with them and generally let them walk all over us.. And why do we do it?

I've been consulting a lot of experts on the subject (most have been female their entire lives) and in all honesty I've yet to hear a convincing argument. Almost every person I've spoken to has considered becoming lesbian at one point just to avoid dealing with men. And as one famousish actress said (can't be that famous if I can't remember who) girls just lack that one special instrument to keep each other coming back for more.

And whilst we are socially ept, know how to be sensitive to one another's needs, and if need be, can buy certain appendages, the problem of baby-making still eludes us... Nature requires us to have men in our lives, no matter how frustrating they may be, for the survival of the human race. Some theorists have suggested that in the future men will be farmed like cows; cows who women will be able to view and then choose from which their genetic offspring will burst forth.. But isn't that just another form of prostitution? And who, if all men are being farmed will give us women something to unite over?

Cause you have to admit, that even women who don't see eye to eye and generally don't get along, will rally together with flaming pitchforks and pliers to get the guy that hurt them in one way or another. That's female bonding right there... Men do it over beer and sport... Women do it over the excessively violent plotting of righting the wrong of a scorned comrade. Rather Marxist aren't we?

1408

2008-03-04T06:22:00.000-08:00

Michelle convinced me that taking half the day off to go and watch 1408 would be a good idea.. Especially since we both overworked, underpaid and on the verge of something dangerous.

The movie is based on a Stephen King novel so I was expecting something that would make my adrenaline pump and give me a few intense moments. And while the concept was good and the pics of brutally slain bodies was disturbing (and fantastic inspiration of how to deal with certain students), it wasn't quite as creepy as it could be.

Only at one point did I jump, and that was because some crazy chick sitting behind us screamed. Both Michelle and I weren't sure whether someone had actually hacked into the back of her head with a popcorn box or if we were actually supposed to be freaked out by the movie at that point.

Actually, the thing that creeped me out in terms of the movie was the realisation that John Cusack has the tiniest mouth ever. A sure sign that if he were gay, he would suck at it (pardon the pun ;) heh heh). Anyway... moving on..

After the movie had ended Michelle commented that she'd dropped popcorn down her top.. something that I have a habit of doing too.. Something I'm sure has to do with there not being much light and not being able to see your hand. It got me thinking and to be honest I kinda think that's one of the perks of going to the movies... Later you get home and SURPRISE!!! you find popcorn as you undress.. It's fun!

And so, even if you saw a crap film that you wish you had ripped off just to deny the makers revenue cause it was so rubbish.. You have the pleasure of taking some of the cinema magic home with you :)

Too Old for Crowded??

2008-02-25T00:57:00.000-08:00

This weekend was the first time for ages that I ventured to the House that is Crowded without my trusty wingman.. wingwoman? Wingperson? Um... Never mind you get the idea. And let's just say that besides it being a wholly unnerving experience of not having a respectable and competant drinking partner, Crowded this last weekend had shifted somewhere into the next dimension, with the level of weirdness exceeding the New Year's incident of 06/07. First off.. being introduced to a mate's parents, who were partying it up at their daughter's eighteenth birthday party, at the shooters bar, was disturbing enough but as the night progressed so did the level of strange and traumatising behaviour.

A bit later, said mate's sister sat down with a couple of girls across from us and proceeded to engage in a threesome that intrigued all passers-by, whilst we had front row seats to watch this contortion of bodies. But what freaked me out just a little was when they handed us a camera and said take photos.. Somehow I did not see the role of amateur porn director coming my way when I paid my entrance fee. But then again I didn't think I had paid for table dancing strippers either, and there too we got a full show from some random drunk girl who, in all honesty shouldn't wear a bathing costume, let alone writhing naked body poses.

But I think the cake was finally taken, swallowed and digested on the main dance floor. As I was jumping around, trying to avoid being stood on and maintain the grace and balance of a pregnant manatee that seems to possess me after a few drinks, I happened to glance over at the main stage. The image still burns my delicate corneas... Instead of seeing the short skirts of happy, drunk Barbies parading their jiggling cellulite for leery old men to admire, I was traumatised to see the leery old men having inappropriate relations with the stage poles..

What is going on?? Have I all of sudden just reached the end of my clubbing era that I'm feeling slightly disturbed by all of this... or does this always occur but I'm just to tequila happy to notice? Note to self... Staying sober whilst clubbing is traumatic, dangerous and inappropriate so give me more tequila!

Riots on Campus

2008-02-18T00:28:00.001-08:00

I was considering writing about the movie I watched last night and some interesting American logic displayed in it, but I think that that needs to be brushed aside for the time being. This morning I arrived at varsity only to hear from Solomon that some students had decided to strike because of something to do with a residence waiting list.

Now there’s a lot wrong with this.. Firstly, why the hell strike on our campus? No-one here has anything to do with it. If you wanna strike go to Durban and terrorise the vice-chancellor with your nonsense. And secondly, why are these silly people disrupting lectures. I never realised that it was your lecturers or fellow students that decided who, or at times, what got approved to res. But apparently, we breed a logic, at this fine institution, of non-cognitive reasoning.

Any whoo.. Besides this, I do have sympathy for these students, because it seems that this is their only option to be heard. The cause of all this singing (strangely enough they’ve been singing ‘Hallelujah’.. a bit weird for a protest song but who am I to judge) and stomping is that apparently the varsity still has over 400 students on a waiting list to get into res on our campus. Come now it’s almost two weeks into semester and that many students are still waiting for accommodation?? Seriously now, who is that cruel.. oh wait I could use a few words to describe who, but I fear for my life. This place is notorious for not being able to take criticism and making undesirables disappear.

My point though is don’t let a list like that get that long.. Cause I can guarantee you that there is no possible way that over 400 students will drop out within two weeks to make room for all those on a waiting list. But I guess it kinda makes sense that people’s sense of numbers is so pathetic, when you consider that to pass Matric you only need to know a third of what you’ve been taught for 12 years. So in reality, it’s our failing education system that has forced students to strike and not the lack of places in res.. Wow!! Never woulda thunk it would you??

Jeru's List

2008-02-07T00:04:00.001-08:00

I was reading Jeru's fantastic blog entitled Mutated Lemons and I gotta say that I was inspired. She formulated a list once upon a time when she was still young and naive that predicted what she would never achieve in life. And whilst most people would think that it would apt to begin thinking and writing one's bucket list, I think Jeru had the right idea to write what I can safely and confidently say that I will never achieve. Then just think.. if you do manage to do it you it's a real achievement and your disappointment is actually an achievement.

So in that spirit my list goes as follows:
1) I will never be tall leggy and naturally blonde
2) I will never get to play cricket with Shaun Pollock
3) I will never get to plant daffodils on the sun
4) I will never be able to escape the visions of the red dress
5) I will never spawn an alien's baby
6) I will never be able to make expendable energy from a potato
7) I will never be nice about Bush
8) I will never eat a bacon, tomato, mayo and peanut butter toasted sandwich
9) I will never enjoy camping
10) I will never understand the male brain
11) I will never create anything of use to anyone
12) I will never eat eels, brains, or puppies
13) I will never be an acrobat
14) I will never learn Dutchman
15) I will never date a Dutchman
16) I will never get plastic surgery (unless I have a horrible disfiguring accident)
17) I will never train children under the age of two for toddler death fighting
18) I will never party without some tequila involved

Personal Kryptonites

2008-02-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

Whilst semi-hard at work this week, Wes popped up on my Gtalk to say hi. He's getting back in a few days from the savage bush up north and in traditional fashion we both promised that a party in his honour should mark his return. But we both agreed that certain drinks should be banned, and it was then that I realised that certain drinks act as each person's personal kryptonite... impairing their judgement and weakening them to the forces that harm them.

Think about it, while its true that all booze has a habit to impair your judgement only certain ones make you do very very silly things.. and force you into a state of semi-mobility and consciousness for at least a day after. Personally, I always thought tequila was my golden monster.. as Wes refers to his, but I realised the other nite that mine is actually a combination. Vodka generally starts me off, because I can tell you, with enough vodka I will do almost anything (speaking of which I still want that sours top back Wes!). But vodka can't be my kryptonite alone because it has no crippling effects.. actually it's like my personal battery pack that just keeps me going and going like a happy bunny.

However, it's when I mix my magical water with the spawn that is straw rum that my problems start. Not only does my body just start rejecting its limbs as its own within an hour (resulting in what resembles a confused manatee on the dancefloor) but the next day I am plagued not only with the traditional pulsating brain mush, but my stomach isn't quite sure whether food is food or if it is cleverly disguised liquor trying to destroy more of its linings and so lurches at the faintest whiff of pizza... Which it imagines to be the cleverly disguised rum bastard hidden amongst the cheesy crust.

But what still confuses me is that while I know all of this.. every time I go out that damn vodka draws me to that dark Caribbean prince and it all happens again... All I can be truly thankful for is that liver cells can re-generate themselves.... right Wes ;)

Juggling Burglars

2008-02-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

I couldn't believe it!! After only getting home after two sometime last week I was woken up with people phoning and moaning and carrying on outside my bedroom door just as the sun was coming up. God, people can be so inconsiderate of one's partying and hanging morning after state. I realised that this was no garden variety wake-up but that some idiot had broken into our garage and tried to steal the car.

But after reviewing the scene, I came to the conclusion that thieves, whilst being the plague of society, are also an example of the educationally retarded. From the evidence it seems that there was only one person involved.. so whilst this guy was an independent thinker, what seems to have gone down pretty much proves my theory regarding mental incompetence. After breaking the car window open to get inside and to steal the radio face... a radio face which was forgotten later on the back seat... this brilliant thinker stopped to think about how to get out of the garage. Cause let's face it.. he ain't gonna get much out of a window.

So this bright spark tries to open the main garage door and lo and behold what does he do... breaks the door so that it can't open more than half a meter. Well done!! But this didn't deter this cunning plotter.. He then realised that if he can't get the car out he can use my mountain bike as his getaway vehicle. But what else to take?? Not much you can carry on a bike.. especially a bike which had two flat tires and a broken pedal. Should he take the garden spade? Maybe the ladder? No, he sees electrical equipment... it's electrical so it must be valuable. An electric weed whacker to be exact. Poor guy.. I actually feel sorry for him..

Picture this.. riding a bike that is flat whilst balancing a weed whacker across the handle bars, riding down the road to aviod the cops who might just find this a little suspicious.. And for what? Shame, the weed whacker hasn't worked since 1985 or so.. So all that effort for absolutely nothing.. Hope it serves you right, you idiot, go get a real job and then maybe your newly acquired possessions won't be broken as soon as you get them. Oh and try do it again.. Cause after this, I've decided that I'm getting a cougar... A cougar I will call Bubbles!!! And then we'll see whose laughing!!!!!!

UKZN: Backward by Profession

2008-01-22T05:32:00.000-08:00

Today I completed the first step in completing my Masters.. pity it was the tiniest of baby steps and probably a more accurate comparision would be left over baby vomit trickling down a newborn's chin. And whilst that may sound gross, that's about the quality of what I submitted. However, as far as I'm concerned I cannot be held accountable for the poor quality of the work. I blame the backwards way in which this university operates.. Maybe Kevin was right, I should've moved to Pretoria to do my Masters..

Now I was informed by registered letter (thought at the time.. wow.. finally I will know exactly what is expected of me). This letter however, was a cruel deceptive joke with nothing more in it than a confirmation letter and a vague outline of some sort of report that needed to be submitted in January... sometime. And what is the icing on top of this cake??

That like all work at varsity level it needs to be researched and referenced properly.. however..... I do not have access to the library or LAN in order to do this research!! And why not?? Because you have to be a registered student to do that, but I can't register until I've submitted this research. So please could someone please enlighten me as to how this logic works??? But wait, my frustrations just got better when today (the day all this work is due)the higher degrees office decide oh but wait we can actually give you temporary access until you register.

By this stage I don't care anymore and as far as I'm concerned they can have, keep, breed and cherish the baby vomit!!

I'm a Bad Bad Person

2008-01-15T09:08:00.001-08:00

Yet again my dreams have had an impact on what I think about things.. Thank God there were no tights or red dresses involved (did I ever reveal that I actually found that dress in reality?!). Anyway last night I dreamt about a confrontation that I've both been dreading and looking forward to. Someone who I want to tell off but at the same time someone I care about far too much considering everything they've done recently. But what I've noticed from my dream is that I'm a bad bad person.. and have stooped to their level by bad mouthing them. So now I'm gonna try something new and stick by my friends and support them even if I get screwed.. Cause let's face it we all make mistakes and if I'm the bigger person then guess who comes out looking like a better person without any guilt filled dreams

Could I Have A Moment of Your Time?

2008-01-08T07:39:00.001-08:00

I've decided that tele marketers are possibly working for the dumbest companies! Today I got a phone call from Standard Bank who told me that because I have been such a fantastic customer they have wonderful news for me! And what was this wonderful news.. A trip overseas? Waivering my student loan? No this fantastic news is that they are giving me the opportunity to pay them every month to give me medical insurance! Now really, I'm a student who sold her soul to the devil to earn barely nothing.. The only insurance I need is legal for the day I snap and release my band of rabid pigeons on those who annoy me! But besides that why on earth would I want to spend money on medical when a bottle of wine generally fixes everything... except my mental problems but we really cant expect miracles.. I imagine George Bush's IQ will rise before I'm mentally sane.

Goodbye 2007

2008-01-01T01:24:00.001-08:00

I would love to say that this post is going to retell an abstract story of a new years eve gone wild! However after last night I am very puzzled to the point of it all.. Sure its great to get together, have a braai, and have a few drinks.. but really how is that really different from any other gathering? Yes you get to sip champagne at midnight (or in my case last night, have the bottle shoved in my mouth by a drunk retard), let off fireworks (I detest all who do.. I actually like animals) and get superficial hugs from all around as if you actually mean anything to the randoms. As far as I can see it New Years is a holiday giving everyone a free pass to grope and kiss anyone you want without consequence.. Maybe Im being far to cynical but really why have a party to celebrate something unresolved? The past years triumphs and failures are going to carry over.. Now if the New Year didn't tick over, that would be a reason to go wild, then there really are no consequences!

Eagle Architecture

2007-12-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling hyperactive since Xmas.. ok fine I'm feeling guilty after consuming to many festive goodies and am trying to work it all off. Most of which I'm blaming on everyone who gave me chocolate! And which has led me to believe that Xmas is not about love and giving but about trying to make everyone else fatter than you! Anyway... I've started going on really long runs interspersed with large amounts of walking. A lot of my walking is spent checking out the different houses in the neighbourhood to distract myself from the chest pains and burning joints. Yesterday I passed this giant house that would put any over indulgent hip-hop star to shame! Especially its remarkable kitschness! And the cherry on top of this bling palace is the stain glass eagle which overlooks the barren front lawn. Apparently this eagle has bankrupted the homeowners because not only can they not afford grass but they cant afford paint either..The whole house is grey with primer except for a glinting eagle soaring from its depths

Why Spur Wine is the Devil

2007-12-28T14:12:00.001-08:00

Tonight Ash and I hit Spur for a bit of gossip and semi-decent food. She ordered schnizel, me a chicken burger.. grilled of course! But foolishly I also indulged in some of the house's finest rose.. Needless to say that thats when it went a bit pear shaped! This wine has the power of at least 6 tequilas per glass... so two glasses of it had me floored.. dont tell Ash though.. she thinks I was FINE! However.. I feel it my duty to inform all what can occur from drinking this poison.. besides ignoring the calories from a Spur meal.. it can make snails seem ginormous.. make toothbrushes attack.. and all pain vanish! Wait.. what was my point? Oh yes! Drink Spur wine ;)

Abnormal Fears

2007-12-27T15:10:00.001-08:00

At the moment Im having huge problems with Smudge.. shes acting more crazy than normal. She has recently developed a phobia of the floor! Seriously! A cat who is afraid of terra firma.. How do you fix that? Jeru laughed at my problem saying that only I could possibly have a cat that needs a shrink! And I think she maybe right.. im gonna have to bring in one of those animal whisperers to cure this problem cause seriously I cant keep carrying her everywhere... I know to most Im a bit of a doormat but I draw the line at being a bloody moving basket!

Dinner With Dead People

2007-11-22T02:26:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that during that amazing storm last night something happened to me. I was sitting chatting to a bunch of people on Mxit, Ash about her birthday, Hilton about his love life and Mich about fantasy dinners...

Well for anyone who was paying attention, the storm last night was massive with hail stones the size of giant marbles falling at my house. And because of this everyone was having trouble staying connected, every lightening strike flattened my signal. Anyway, Ash disappeared and Hilton just fell off the face of the earth.. but Michelle somehow managed to stay connected.

We chatted for ages about fantasy dinners that she would like to have with certain famous people. It got a bit weird considering it sounded as if this was all really real and she was meeting all these famous celebrities, dead and alive. Anyway, I then noticed that no-one else was coming or going online, so I logged off to reset my phone. Now this is where it gets weird...

My phone had actually frozen, somehow Michelle and I had stayed connected, and when I reloaded my phone that connection had been broken. I felt like I had somehow accessed an alternate universe discussing dead people with her. And when I reloaded I had joined the real world again... It was freaky.. I'm still not quite sure if I had really been talking to Michelle or a freaky entity accessed through the lightening of the storm.

Cheese, Wine and The L Word

2007-11-19T01:27:00.000-08:00

Last night Michelle and I seemed to gain some normalcy after we both stumbled onto bad TV and proceeded to watch it together on Mxit. We get very involved in discussing plot, characters, themes.. ok fine we like to perv over the pretty guys in bad TV (never mind that they can't act, they can just look pretty). Anyway, what was the show? Boondocks, a really random cartoon that last night advocated why one should never get arrested... You will undoubtedly be anally raped if you do. However, there was a reason for watching this bad TV... I wanted to watch a re-run of the L Word, something that I never figured weird until Ash's emotional outburst about the evils of watching lesbians. Can't say that I paid much attention to her, I think it's brilliant, shame I think I scared her.

Mich told me that we really shouldn't be watching this together in the first place. Dear old Dr Jones already thinks that Michelle and I are closet lovers and if she discovered this little liaision it would further condemn us to the department. Personally, I wasn't too fazed... well not until Mich pulled out the idea of eating a grilled cheese and I suggested wine simultaneously. That's when I think things got a little pear-shaped for her.. As soon as she realised that once again we would be discussing cheese, whilst slightly intoxicated, and watching the L Word I think she got scared... she changed to Kim Possible.

Can you imagine what people would think if they knew we were watching that and enjoying cheese and wine? Well that had both of us in fits of hysterics... well me mainly, Mich just sent a couple of lols. Oh well let them imagine... actually it worries me that some people are so obsessed with this whole thing, why care unless there's some freaky secrets being harboured... Hmmmm....

Why Yes... I am Awesome

2007-11-15T05:12:00.000-08:00

YAY!!! Today I wrote my final exam... not just for the year... ever!! After 12 years of crappy government instilled education and four at UKZN I have finally reached the point where I am just too damn over qualified to write exams or tests anymore. And to think my high school Maths teacher said I wouldn't even pass Matric... shows how much that sad little loser knew... oh wait... he only has one little degree... hahahahahaha. Ok so maybe I sound a little harsh, but if you did Maths with that man you'd also be laughing maniacally.

After I finished writing I went to a postgrad/farewell/whatever lunch with everyone from my department. And what did I learn from this wonderful experience... Never drink double vodkas... they mess you up... needless to say I should've listened to Meg those many weeks ago. Oh well at least everyone expects me to be a drunkard so I don't think anyone really cared. Not that I'll be seeing many of these people again, shame... all going out to try and find a place in this big bad world... I'm just staying put... here in my little hole... where all the magic of the my little brain happens.

And in all honesty... what have I learnt from my years of education and brilliance... that certain people are worth your time and others.... well lets just leave at..... wear a belt, and maybe a less revealing top

Can't Sleep...

2007-11-08T23:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Kevin asked me where I got my Google talk profile picture... a badge saying: "Can't Sleep... Clowns Will Eat Me!" And in all honesty, I never thought it was evil or dirty until he pointed out why he wanted it... And now I don't think I'll ever look at that phrase the same way again! Apparently one of his friends dated a clown... and that's about as much info that I needed before my little brain started working over time.

I'm considering putting it up though in the post grad room next year... we can't sleep anyway so why not have a profound reason for it... I mean saying you working all night is getting a bit old... Now when everyone asks why you look like you just crawled out from under a cactus bush you can say: "I was hiding from the clowns... If I sleep........ (whisper) they'll eat me....

It Emerged...

2007-11-06T01:31:00.001-08:00

Yet again I left a project til the absolute last minute to complete... Sorry Subesh (head hung in shame)... but in all honesty I just wasn't feeling it. After getting through my dissertation, I just feel like I should be on holiday. Bad bad idea!! Especially, since this project counts about 50% toward my Corporate mark. And how late did I wait to start it you may ask? 3am THIS morning! And it's an absolute load of rubbish.. but like I said I am just not feeling it. At least I made it all pretty with reinforcement stickers :)

Actually, the most interesting thing that happened in regard to this project was my encounter with Gargantuim the spider that lives in my study. I was furiously trying to Spank the Frank without mutilating too many penguins when I looked over at my pretty new printer (that is still not working) and I see these legs emerging over the back of it. I swear I could hear the Jaws theme music start up somewhere in the distance as I watched these legs morph into the biggest spider I'd ever seen... I actually think it may have been a rare breed of poodle, but I wasn't about to take a closer look... it was the same width as my printer dammit!!

Even though it only took about half a second, everything seemed to take about 5 minutes. I finally found a use for my Corporate textbook... no I didn't swat it with it... gross I didn't want dog guts all over my pretty new printer or on my book for that matter. No all I had to do was show the cover of the book to Gargantuim and he ran... actually jumped and scuttled over the desk... to where I don't know. But at least now I know that my textbook will be used far into the future to battle the evils that live under my computer.

Breathe In Breathe Out

2007-11-06T01:31:00.000-08:00

Today I had to present my research findings to all the Media lecturers.. easy right.. I know this stuff backwards... I did spend six months doing, it didn't I? True, but let's just say I have a little problem with prepared public speaking. And picturing any of them in their tighty whities, terrifies me so I prefer not to imagine them naked (shivers down spine)... not that they not all special and amazingly good-looking in their own ways, I would just prefer to think of them fully clothed.

I don't know why I get so nervous, maybe it had to do with being cast as a tricycyle in the nativity play... that's bound to shatter a child's confidence. A TRICYCLE???? How does that fit into the nativity? People hadn't even invented the wheel at that stage!! Ok so it's official... it is the fault of my Class One teacher for crushing my confidence.

Actually, I liked being the trike... I got to race around the corridors "practicing". I guess that I just get nervous cause I don't like having to prove myself... bullshitting is easy and if you confident enough no-one will question you. However, with this type of stuff you have to be sharp... especially with Prof van der Hoven around... he's bound to test your knowledge using the biggest words and terms imaginable...

"Do you feel that Facebook is contributing or detracting from the new public sphere as an online democracy as viewed by the earlier theories of Habermas?"
......Ah........ actually some of the research that I have conducted has pointed to..... um...... to both aspects.... but I think it needs further investigation.... (What the hell does that mean?). But I guess it couldn't be all bad... he said I conducted a very professional presentation... wait is that code for it was pretty just no substance.... EEEP!!!

Michelle says I'm just being paranoid as usual, but it worries me that the questions from my lecturers after I had finished revolved, not around my research, but about my personal life and how they think I should find a nice boyfriend to cuddle over Christmas. I mean WTF?!!? And then I hear remarks from people such as they want to know when other people have booked me... booked me for what? What is going on? I thought I was presenting my Facebook rubbish, not providing a random service for driving away the male species. I'm so confused....

Bass Fishing 101

2007-10-22T00:57:00.003-07:00

This last weekend, over dinner, I was lucky enough to be taught the intricacies of Bass Fishing 101, courtesy of Brian and Cole. First of all, for the ignorant out there, Bass Fishing is the act of trying to lure and catch easy girls for one night of fun. It sounds awful, but I can assure you it gets worse!

Brian explained to me that there are 3 categories of Bass... Type A, Type B and Type C.

Type A are really easy ones, the wham, bam thank you ma'am category. They are generally the not so forutunate looking ones who are willing to be played with just because generally they won't be seeing any action, this also includes girls whose skirts are too short and tops are too low... easy in, easy out.

Then we have Type Bs. These are the bass that guys try to avoid until they are absolutely desperate for some fun.. These girls are looking for something a little more serious than just a quickie in the back room of Crowded. They are typically high maintenance, but also generally the hottest of the bunch.. so guys need to be wary... these are the manipulative vixens who know exactly how to prolong a one nighter into something unwanted.

Type Cs on the other hand are a little more user friendly. They lack the high maintenance of Type B, but are usually dumber than a blade of grass and they not quite sure what to do. This could prove frustrating in your quest for multiple conquests in a night. So I was told when Bass Fishing you go for the Type A first, followed by a C and if all else fails head in the direction of a B.

Now while this all sounds awful, there are a few more things girls should be aware of... puppies, kittens and any sort of small cute fluffy creature is a lure to attract bass. It is also important to know that not all girls are bass.

There is a whole range of fish categories that girls can fall into... barbel for example are the marks.. when a barbel starts to look attractive you know that you've had enough to drink and it's time to head home... alone!! And those girls who are so far out of your league that you shouldn't even bother... apparently are marlin.. however some other authorities on this subject tell me that they can also be referred to as mermaids.

Finally, when you do eventually find the girl of your dreams... the one that you plan to settle down with and make a selection of mini mes with... Congratulations, you have found your penguin!

Faint of Heart: DO NOT READ

2007-10-22T00:57:00.002-07:00

How is it that Mr Bean got a girlfriend? Seriously, how is it possibly that this immature, crazy boy, trapped in a man's body could find a girlfriend? Ok, ok I'd admit that's every man, but still.. Mr Bean?? I found myself asking this question over and over to people last night after watching him on BBC. Everyone's unanimous response to this question was laughter, no explanation, just laughter.

Ok, do they all know something that I don't about Mr Bean in the bedroom? It was as if they were all thinking... "Ah.. you poor naive little thing, don't you know Beany is incrediable in the sack? We've all had a go! And if that is true then I think I question how desperate my friends really are for some loving!

But what did intrigue me the most about this particular episode was that while Bean and his girlfriend were watching "Nightmare on Elm Street" she looked as if she were climaxing every time Freddy emerged on screen. Now what worries me, is if this was the case, what the hell kind of kinky sex drive does Beany have! And why, is no-one marketing it?

This Does Happen to Other People... Right??

2007-10-22T00:57:00.001-07:00

When I tell people that I love Grey's Anatomy they agree and tell me that it's the most awesome programme ever. Not to burst anyone's bubble, but besides its awesomeness I love it for a completely different reason. Of course I love it for all the reasons everyone else has, but what I really love is how much it relates to my own life. I swear the writers have an inside look into my life at times.

And for that reason I honestly never thought any of the story lines were that far fetched... until I saw the look on Michelle's face this afternoon when I told her that I've experienced what Izzy and George are going through. Conversation went something like this:

Mich: Who the hell does that?
*Look all sheepish*
Me: Ummm... well when wine is involved...
Mich: I don't wanna know!!!!
Me: He was hot!!
Mich: I DON'T wanna know!!!

Please realise all through this she's looking at me as if I've just told her that she's gonna have to watch the media department have an orgy... Shame I think I've completely shattered the perfect image she had of me.

And in my defence, and if she let me finish, it wasn't quite as bad as I made out... but I can definitely relate to Izzy.

You get a little, ok a lot drunk, have a bit of fun with someone you know you really shouldn't, especially since you promised your friend you wouldn't, he is bad for me after all... so so hot (I realised why Pasha looked so familiar)but not right at all. So I do understand what Izzy is going through... maybe not quite the same, but this secret affair... (it has continued *blush, hang head in shame*) is a little adultorous considering he was my friend's crush... and I guess I've just outted myself to her... I doubt she reads this though...

Well, I guess it had to come out sooner or later. And as Simple Plan put it... "Welcome to My Life"... Grey's Anatomy the window to my soul (sorry a cliched, but it kinda fits)

So You Think You Can Dance?

2007-10-22T00:57:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love this show... maybe it has to do with my own little fantasy of being able to dance like this or just so I can get close to guys like Pasha. And if you have no idea of what I'm on about... check this video and you'll see exactly what I mean! Oh and if anyone can tell me who he looks like that I might know in real life, I'd be much obliged, it's bugging me so much!

Firsties Need Respect

2007-10-16T03:54:00.001-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that most firsties are the rejects of the earth... I think they are the proof that government experimentation on human intelligence is being done... and failing miserably!! Today, I was sitting in on one of their lectures (I didn't realise tutoring meant selling my soul to the devil) and was once again astonished at their ignorance, rudeness and utter lack of dress sense.... tights and skirts... I'm sorry, but who was the fool that thought that was a good idea!?

The poor lecturer, who I think was already having a bad day, was trying to teach the little monsters about film and audiences, but you think they could show her any respect? It baffles me as to why students sign up for courses that they have no interest in. Ok.. fair enough I understand that in first year you pick electives that have nothing to do with your intended major. But the part I don't get is why do firsties seem to think that they already know everything and don't have to listen in the lectures.

Here's news for everyone... as crazy as academics are and act, there is a reason they are like that... their brains are completely overloaded with brilliance and at times a little puppy... but the point is that they know their shit and it's taken them years to get there. No arrogant little firstie at this point has the capacity to even vaguely comprehend the knowledge a proper academic possesses. Even me with my brilliance, cannot comprehend it... actually it makes my brain hurt trying, and it upsets my puppy.

So my advice.... listen... they actually do know what they on about most of the time and besides little ones, you are paying them R2000 to stand up there to talk to you; you might as well pay attention and pray that some of their talent rubs off on you, cause let's face it, you need it... your brain isn't that incredible!!

A Weight Has Been Lifted

2007-10-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it!! About half an hour ago I was able to hand in the first half of my dissertation to my supervisor. It has been a long and tedious road, but I seem to be making it slowly... now I just have to put my data together and hand in the last two chapters. And how have I been celebrating this magnificent feat you may ask?

A nice overindulgent lunch with vast quantities of wine, regailing tales of crazy red dresses, tights and brownies... unfortunately not. Instead I am still stuck in the office getting the rest of my work under control, but thankfully I am being kept thoroughly entertained by Michelle. Apart from her mesmerising karaoke performances in duet with Josh Groban and Michael Buble, her tourettes has been in full force, as her singing is interrupted with random cursing at the website she is designing and mumbling to herself that Josh wants her beef or that she is Dexter, Boy Genius.

I'm not even that sure anymore that she knows I'm here, considering that everytime I question her mumblings I get this confused look as if to say: Did I say that outloud? Oh Michy.... don't worry.. I have super telekinetic powers and can read your mind.... ooooh.... you dirty dirty little girl.

Random Visits

2007-10-03T23:43:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting in my office, being a good little student putting the empirical data together for my thesis, when my... hmm gotta be careful here... amazingly wise and brilliant lecturer bursts in and says: "I'm sticking this on your door!" and pointing to an old newspaper clipping.

"Um, why? And I'm scared, " I respond. She reckons she feels that the content of this article will firstly, inspire all of us in our office, namely me and Michelle, I don't think she knows about Solomon yet... and secondly, any of our children that come to harass us. I pointed out that we do not have any children and if we did they would probably have died years ago from being thrown too many times against a wall! But she insisted that we do, even if we don't want to lay claim to them... where these children are I have no clue and actually I prefer being ignorant on this matter. And if anyone suggests that first years constitute children all I can say is what absolute rubbish!!! They barely human, let alone actual functioning people! And children, I might add, no matter how cute and cuddly they appear to be are more diabolical than Hitler and Stalin put together... something that requires brain power that far surpasses even the most gifted of first years.

Anyway, back to that clipping... when I actually got a chance to see what was being cemented to our wall (she decided the door wasn't good enough) I saw that it was a report about the dangers of student drinking and how most students are compromising their studies for partying... Hmmm... could this be a hint of some sort?? Not really sure... I mean since when do me or Michelle for that matter ever overdo the partying?? Must just be a reminder of what to look out for in other students.

Actually what got me was who the bright spark of a reporter was that thought that this constituted news?? I mean come on!!! Students drinking is not anything new or newsworthy!! As far as I can see it, it's actually a right of passage that all students have to go through... You didn't do varsity right if you can remember all of it!!

SMS Etiquette

2007-10-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

Ok so this last weekend has been bad. Besides the normal crap that goes along with being stressed, being female and trying to understand the purpose of an empty bottle on a window sill, I had the joy of dealing with the inconsiderate nature of sms culture.

I have to ask... why is it when you receive an sms from someone and reply straight away or phone them back straight away they can't manage to pick their phone up. Seriously, I know your phone is working and that you have it on you... you just got hold of me eegit!! So the excuses just don't cut it here, it just shows a complete lack of respect and do you really want to associate yourself with people who just continually make you feel bad about yourself? Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

But the icing on the cake for me is when I sms someone and they say well let me check details with the other half (because apparently once you are in a relationship you can no longer think for yourself) and get back to you. Now here's the clincher... people never get back. It becomes your responsibility to run after them. I wonder if this is just complete lack of manners and thought or if it is because whilst consulting the appendage a person becomes so dazzled by the bright aura shining out of said appendage's rear end that they just can no longer see the keypad on their phone to get back to you. Hmmm... or maybe I'm just being hormonal and cynical...

Grahamstown Lessons

2007-10-01T00:42:00.000-07:00

Shew... it's been a while since I updated this thing. So sorry to all but life has been hectic with that awful word work and forbidden word that shall not be spoken. And to add to my stress I took a week off to do nothing and think about what needs to be done.

Last week was fantastic going down to Grahamstown with Michelle and learning all sorts of interesting things at the Captivate conference. One thing that I did learn and shall stay with me forever is that vomit can actually be blue and green in colour.... no not bluey green or even blue or green but blue and green moulded together in a fantastic mosaic of colour. We really should've listened... when a barman in Grahamstown says he thinks you should slow down, you should really listen... it is Grahamstown after all, they know what they talking about!!

But I suppose you only get to live once and your liver has time when you old to recover from your youth ;) This last weekend was spent filled with dread about Saturday night... It was my birthday and in typical fashion I was being threatened with vast amounts of alcohol and death by tequila. Luckily, Grahamstown seemed to have built up my tolerance and all was good... even though I can't really remember how many drinks I had or what time I rolled into bed.. but I do know that there was some pants dropping and flinging involved.. GO JEFF!!

Pity the evening was ruined by some peoples complete lack of tact and serious double standards. But we won't go into that now. Let's wait for the anger to build up a bit more before we vent :)

Rugby World Cup 2007

2007-09-05T06:17:00.001-07:00

So last night it finally all came together and the Rugby World Cup 2007 has finally gotten underway. And what can I say... the first match, while creating a really interesting result, was a horrible display of professional rugby. The game was terribly scrappy and amateurish. It's more than likely that the magnitude of the event put added pressure on the French and so many more errors were forced because of it, but let's face it. Since when do French men not enjoy playing with balls in front of a large crowd? Especially those that have special designer labelled rubgy jerseys made for the occassion.

Ok maybe I'm being a little unfair. I'm sure their outfits are very comfortable, but you can't deny the gayness of the sport. Let me break it down for you in specific rugby terms that are used in the game.

First of all there is a position called a hooker. Hooker to who? Must be the teams' go to guy ;)

Second we have a scrum. During this set piece, half the men have their heads shoved up each other's rectum in the hope of feeling a ball, grabbing it and pushing it through a hole at the back of the scrum (interesting that scrum is only two letters short of scrotum hmm...).

Third there are rucks. Now as far as I can see this is just an excuse for as many men as possible to wrestle each other on the ground and rub their big sweaty man selves all over each other.

My final point is that rugby as a whole is a typical example of primal urges. Really all it is, is an example of how men have this incessant urge to prove who the alpha men are in a social situation. Think how often a fight breaks out over nothing really, all because the male brain is saying I'm bigger than you and I want to prove it so I'm gonna steal your ball and run away with it.

The only thing that does perplex my little bracket, is if you gonna run away with the ball why on earth would you pass it backwards to go forwards? Now that is what you call male logic. You know if women had invented this game... wait women aren't that stupid.

Boozy Lunches

2007-09-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah ok I know that I haven't written for way too long. Unfortunately my work is sucking the life force from my body and I might possibly snap and go Virginia Tech on this varsity's ass. So in true student style Meg and I decided, ok well I decided (but don't tell her that) that we should embark on the ultimate student lunch and drown our sorrows at Stage Coach.

However, in hindsight it's not the best idea to get a little wasted and then stumble back into Old Main, hitting doorframes on your way back upstairs; especially considering that we officially started things at 11:30 in the morning and potentially lecturers are prowling the corridors waiting to pounce and attack you about something or other that you were supposed to have done two weeks ago. Wait.. did I say supposed to have done, I meant have done, but just haven't had the opportunity to drop off yet :)

I just have one concern as to why we didn't discover this wonderful pasttime when we were all still undergrads with no responsiblities. Oh, that's right, we didn't have responsibility, hence there was no need to drink to hide our pain and problems. I'm now starting to understand why academics build up wine, cognac, whiskey collections.

Pity, that the varsity refuses to pay us poor lowly tutors so I have to resort to buying wine by the glass or worse... stealing ethanol from the Chem labs. Actually at the moment there's an award ceremony downstairs for certain overachievers who the varsity feels should be showered with money. Maybe I could be pretend to be related to one of the winners and take advantage of the open bar... oh wait... I am heh heh. Pity she's not sharing some of the wealth with me... hmmm... maybe if I hold her cat for ransom :)

A Pleasure Giver Between the Sheets

2007-08-08T06:56:00.001-07:00

A pleasure giver between the sheets
Lucy HuntTue, 24 Apr 2007

Almost every guy I’ve dated has described his ex-girlfriend as ‘sweet’ to me.This bothers me.Not because they’re nicer people than me; they probably are. It’s because I’m referred to as ‘she was great in the sack.’It seems so shallow, even if it is true. Being great in the sack isn’t difficult. But that’s another story.I am a twentysomething up-and-coming middle-class power suit laptop-wielding yuppie living and dating in Johannesburg. I drive a nice car; I’m private-school ejicated, and am henceforth told I’m high maintenance. Undeniably, I expect my dates to be of high calibre. They cannot live in a trailer on the side of the highway. Amongst other things.Normal boobs, normal thighs...This is how I function: I’m a hopeless romantic, who loves Lionel Richie, diamonds and pie. Yet, I consider myself a normal woman. I have normal boobs, normal thighs, a bottom that doesn’t sag, (yet), and I wear stiletto heels to elongate my calves.I am so very normal, no really. Perhaps with the exceptions of my being obsessed with a man telling me he loves me, an incessant need for flowers after two dates, and a penchant for dining at fine restaurants, which comprise French cuisine as their main offerings. I am normal. Perhaps also barring that my date must surprise me with exceptional legs once his trousers are off, and must sport a fair amount of masculine-looking chest hair.I date beautiful men, which is why I have never had much success in long-term relationships. Handsome men are usually more bastardly than their plainer counterparts. Maybe one day I’ll fall for the geek with the flash disc around his neck and the Casio Countmaster in his jean pant, but for now, I’m trying to find the balance between Sexmuffin With Bulging Biceps and Sociably Inept National Geographic Reader Genius with bifocals.An easy slam in the sackThis is why I’ve decided to date German men; they seem to strike a nice balance between these two extremes, or the one’s I’ve bedded before anyhow. Jürgen, my recently burst-from the closet gay friend, doesn’t disagree with my penchant for Dusseldorfians, and even if he tries to date them too, understands the chivalry and romanticism of the nation that eats ‘kraut. My other friends tend to go for the usual Accenture business card-obsessed types that continue to disappoint in light of flowers and candlelit dinners that dry out after three dates.It’s easy to nab a date and thereafter, a slam in the sack, in this town.My latest German, Shatzie Boy, is taking me out in three hours for dinner. I’ve yet to decide what to wear (besides heels — always heels), because I have yet to decide whether I will bed his geil body. Should I, shouldn’t I? It’s the first date, but when I get an itch for European sex, there’s no stopping the insatiable libido that starts to burn between my thighs during the mid-course.Suppose I was to boof him after dinner. I consulted my friends, who told me what I'd need to do to seal the deal:Holly told me to get him boozed. 'Sprechen a little ze Deutsche', then mention I want him to dress in Lederhosen and spank me. All night long.“It’s not like he has to do any work. Your knees buckle on the words ‘und’ and ‘schneller’, you’ll get do it right there on the table,” said Seb.Jürgen said, all I had to do was rock up.Holly likes to be spanked, Seb longs for casual sex without putting in the hours, and Jürgen, a flaming queen, wants to steal Shatzie Boy from me.A beautiful strangerWe met in a pizzeria three weeks prior, by accident. I was wearing my pyjamas, the Spongebob Squarepants ones, and as I do at midnight, strolled across the road to the pizzeria to pick up dinner. I live in Illovo — a cosmopolitan suburb wedged between Sandton and Rosebank. It was unfortunately in this state Shatzie Boy first laid eyes on me.I didn’t have my face on. Either.His jeans were just the right size to accentuate his beautiful bottom.Trust me to meet the love of my life sans mascara and heels. In the pizzeria, he openly turned to stare at my nightwear, shrugged, and then asked me out for dinner.A complete stranger. Who was German. Who witnessed me looking rather horrific, and who still wanted to eat with me.He deserves at least a blow job for that.It also means the awkward fumbling for condoms can wait until another time.Pleasure between the sheetsIn fact, as the hours grow imminent, I feel the animalistic need to bestow upon him, a shag so smokin’, he’ll think he died and went to Oktoberfest.I envision soft German porn, notwithstanding the nuzzling of legs under the table, over seared Norwegian salmon and a bottle of the good stuff.I’ll show him that true to my reputation, I am not a sweet girl. I am a pleasure giver between the sheets.Now let's just hope this all pans out how I expect it to. Germans can be unpredictable in their predictibility.Shit, I'm late. And you know how punctual they can be.

Being Good

2007-08-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

Just a few minutes ago I was told that very soon I would have to start putting a disclaimer on my blog because the content is too naughty! This is completely untrue and highly offensive. One because anyone who is underage and reading this, I have never met and therefore I don't care!! And two it's your choice whether you want to read my drivel!!

But since I'm a nice person, today I've decided that I will talk about something important and refreshing... and no I am not referring to tampons :)What I am talking about is this crappy crappy cold weather that has decided to take up residence in our little sleepy hollow of a town.

And then we have the idiots who seem to think that it is a God send to live in a virtual polar climate for a few days. I'm sorry, but if you love the cold that much go and live in Europe! I don't wanna hear whining about the heat or summer being so long. We live in Africa dammit, get used to it!!

The only excuse you can have for loving the cold as far as I'm concerned is that it gives the best excuse to stay in bed and keep warm... hee hee. Especially if you need hydration afterwards ;)

Nursery Rhymes...

2007-08-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

I was sitting on my bed the other day chatting to Jerusha on MXIT when I realised that I had run out of anything intelligent to say (not a word from the peanuts thank you); so I decided to entertain her and myself by reciting a nursery rhyme that had been floating around in my head all week.

I'm sure most people are familiar with "All Around the Mulberry Bush" where the monkey proceeds to chase an innocent weasel around the berry shrub, however while I was typing it out, it dawned on me how absolutely filthy and dirty this childhood classic actually is.

Let's explore shall we? First of all there is the obvious connotation of what a monkey is and if you aren't sure where I'm going with this, go and ask your dad!! Then we have a bush that is being run around. Really, not much more needs to be said there. However, this could all be seen as quite innocent up until this point. Because I know most people would just say I'm looking for the dirtiness in this, but the sexual connotation that clinched the deal for me and really makes you wonder who the genius was that let this rhyme filter into nursery rhyme folklore is the line: "POP goes the weasel!"

So there we have it! A monkey trying to pop a weasel (which I have to think was possibly a cat, but has changed over time) whilst circulating a bush. And come to think about it I could go into much greater detail, however I don't want to disgust too many people. So just think about it and see if you catch my drift.

Why Do I Do This To Myself?

2007-07-27T06:45:00.001-07:00

I know that I haven't been very diligent lately in updating my blog, however I've been keeping very busy slowly killing my liver and dancing til all hours with Meg in the last few weeks. Since Olgi and Taryn came down a couple of weeks ago to visit I haven't stopped partying. It has been one of the most awesome holidays I think I've ever had since varsity started; if not the best!!

However, the only down side to the whole experience has been the numerous mornings after that have seriously made me question whether I should ever drink again. But Meg seems to have this amazing power to get me out a few hours later and do it all again. I would blame myself for just being too nice and say that she manipulates me, however I can't really say that because I just love going out and having an awesome time with my friends. And in all honesty those morning afters are wonderful bonding experiences as we all look for sympathy and lie in bed complaining about the evils of each other and whatever we were drinking the night before.

The number of things that have happened these holidays and the number of things that shall never be repeated verbally after these holidays is awesome. I think every party was a Night of Legends where something interesting happened. Unfortunately, most of what occured I believed never really happened cause no-one was ever too sure of the details. And remember the first rule of drinking... if you can't remember it, it never happened. And I'm sticking to that rule like an old piece of gum sticks to your shoe!!

Cryptic Messages

2007-07-19T01:14:00.000-07:00

I have a new pet peeve and actually it's starting to drive me up the wall. Why is it when people have something to tell you they can't just come out and say it straight to your face? Why do they have to beat around the bush? I mean they say they have something to tell you and then they can't just come out and say it. I know that I am brilliant, but I not a freaking mind reader!!

So please will people just tell me what's up. I hate playing guessing games. It makes me paranoid. And if anyone knows me at all, that is the worse thing you can do considering that I am already on a CIA hitlist for being amazingly brilliant.

Stupid Poms

2007-07-11T02:23:00.000-07:00

Recently the Conservative Party in the UK announced plans to pay couples twenty pounds a week if they get married: http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91211-1274419,00.html

Their reasoning is that the breakdown occuring in British society is due to children being raised in single parent homes and in order to fix the problem couples should be encouraged to get married and raise their children together. What an absolute load of rubbish!!! Who was the brainchild behind this, seriously? You cannot tell me that a child coming from a household with both parents who are constantly unhappy is going to be better off than a child from a loving single parent home.

Has anyone considered that there are a number of other factors that are much more prevalent which have given rise to societal problems? A big problem that is on the increase worldwide is that of teenage pregnancy. Teenagers fall pregnant and end up living on social welfare for the rest of their lives. The problem here is that more and more families are living below the bread line and in poverty, not that there is only one parent. Because teenagers fall pregnant and have children so young they are generally unable to finish or further their education. They are forced into low wage jobs in order to support their new family without any prospects of promotion due to their lack of education.

So surely, a better option would be to reward young people who finish school or enter into professional training of some sort instead of encouraging couples to marry.

My other main issue with this proposition is that even if you do get couples to marry it does not guarantee that it will make them better parents. One of the biggest problems in low income households is that parents often do not have time for their children because they are continually trying to raise enough money to make ends meet; and therefore children are left to their own devices. This will not be solved if couples are married. The family will still be low income and both parents will still be consumed by trying to stay afloat financially.

There are greater social problems at work here and marriage is not going to solve anything. I recently read that we are the first generation who are not expected to surpass our parents in our relation to our careers and finances. I firmly believe that the best way to rectify the problems facing society is to provide greater rewards for completing education and lowering the costs of tertiary and professional training. I'm not saying that this will solve everything over night, however I do believe it is a step in the right direction.

Rewarding marriage financially is not the answer to a better society, in fact it would lead to an even more dysfunctional one if you consider how many will get married only for the extra cash.

New Motto

2007-07-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

After a whole lot of crap that has happened recently I would just like to share my new motto with the world: "Friends are those people who delay screwing you over"

And anyone who thinks that's rubbish, think long and hard about, because everyone will eventually let you down or really screw you over. It's just a matter of time...

Snowy Adventure

2007-06-28T23:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, myself, Michelle, DJ and Q thought that a roadtrip up into the mountains to see the snow would be the best way to spend the day. No-one told us though that the powers that be thought it would be fun to mess with our heads at the same time. We got told before we left that the snow wasn't that far and we probably would only have to drive half an hour before we could dabble in the ancient art of snowball warfare. Well, we drove and we drove, Q documenting every smart thing that was uttered onto her phone, and us soon realising that the snow was much further than we thought. So far in fact, that we ended up in the mountains themselves climbing halfway up the peaks of Kamberg.

We did almost lose Q to the wilderness as she ran off by herself for no apparent reason, deciding to plonk down and play with some grass while DJ and myself hunted the elusive snow and Michelle kept watch for Sasquatch. But Q returned safely armed with an entire patch of snow that she promptly ate. It was at that point that I started to wonder if we were going to get out alive or if they were going to eat me, a conversation that I found out later had taken place in the car while I was busy videoing the locals flipping DJ off.

Luckily for me they forgot about this idea after we encountered mountain baboons that I had to fight off with snowballs and sticks. Yeah, ok that's not quite what happened, but I did live and we did find the snow. Hopefully, soonish I'll be able to post pics and maybe a video or two of our hunting trip.

The Sound of Music

2007-06-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

Last night Michelle got it into my head that it would be fun to watch the Sound of Music drunk. Initially I thought drunkeness would make it easier to sing-a-long and just generally enjoy the movie more. Who knew that the Sound of Music is actually one of the dirtiest and most sexually charged movies of all time?

Maybe I was a little drunk, and maybe I am highly frustrated sexually, however the facts remain... That entire movie is a metaphor for sex. Let's start at the very beginning... Sorry corny line but it works. Now even if you don't think that the rest is about sex you cannot deny that the dance between Liesel and Ralph when they are singing 16 going on 17 is not charged with sexual energy, and if the movie had been made today would have ended with them getting down and dirty, climaxing at the end. If you don't believe me, watch it again and you'll see... all the sweating, heavy breathing etc.

And don't get me started on the song Adel Weiss. I mean "bloom and grow" and "you look happy to greet me". But besides the obvious, there are a number of other smaller hidden references. Like the empty boat... he is a captain after all and how many people realised the father's name was GAYorg Von TRAPPE... Very very interesting, that and the fact that he walks around the grounds with a riding crop. What does that imply I ask?

So now that I have ruined this wonderful family movie for the world in my own special way, I am considering having another look at Bambi.... heh heh heh...

On another note thanks to the vast amounts of wine from last night's movie watching I didn't dream.

Evil Evil Clowns

2007-06-22T01:07:00.000-07:00

I found this random pic on Google and I put it on to prove that clowns are indeed freaky, unnatural beings that should not be trusted. I mean sucking up rainbows through the toilet just ain't right. Scary!!!

Bad Dreams

2007-06-21T23:36:00.000-07:00

So I was hoping to have the most awesome sleep last night with no dreams, no tights and no fashion tips from freaky people in red dresses. I was obviously hoping and praying way to much... Not only did I dream, but had one of the most disturbing dreams in a long time.

It all started out ok, I was visiting my sister in the new flat that she'd just moved into, but I could feel this strange presence in the room with me. It turned out that her flat was possessed by some demonic force that was trying to draw us in. And each time I went back into or passed this flat the pull from this demonic force got stronger and stronger. It was freaky. And what made this even worse was that I couldn't wake up. I knew I was dreaming but couldn't get out of it. And if anyone is wondering how I know I am dreaming in a dream, I hurt myself. Like bite my hand or hit a wall, then when I can't feel any pain I know I'm asleep.

I just wish I knew what all these freaky dreams mean. Stupid people and when I say that I mean blindly spiritual people, would probably say I need to be saved. But I think it has more to do with something else. Any suggestions? And no, I'm not having identity issues.... Hmmm... could this all be related to my stupid Honours project again? The demon of my research? Interesting....

Yay Me

2007-06-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

Yay!!!!!! I have completed and handed in my proposal at last :)

It has been an upward battle with many long nights lasting days at a time. If that makes any sense lol. All I can say is thank you Michelle for all the help and willingness to listen to my whining, complaining and constant need for attention. But now I am free and can leave you alone ;)

Hopefully with all of this over and done with for a few weeks, the Media dreams will stop and I won't be afraid to go to sleep anymore in fear of seeing the red dress or Anton in his tights again. Deep restful sleep is all I want with happy dreams filled with flying and espionage again.

Actually, I was thinking the other day that some of my best dreams aren't actually happy or pleasant. The best dreams I have are normally really deep and heart wrenching. Recently I've often been dreaming that massive tragedies are happening around me and I'm the only one who is able to pick up the pieces for everyone else. Suppose it's got something to do with my own messed up issues of wanting to be needed by people. I am a freak I know.

But I digress, the most important thing that I want to do now is get back to my happy place in my dreams and sleep for a few weeks....

It Begins...

2007-06-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's almost over!!! Yes I have fought the powers that be and yes I did conquer all!! Ok so all I really did was survive the media department, but hell they are seriously scary... especially after the dream I had the other night.

You try picture your lecturer giving you fashion tips wearing a red dress, silver stockings and tiara!! Not to mention the tights and lace!! It has actually been so traumatic that Michelle has been kind enough to feed me wine during the middle of the week. I mean after spending a morning with your lecturers tearing your beloved proposal to shreds you need something to soften the blow. Yeah I know they didn't really tear me to shreds but I can't take them looking at me like that. That glare, that stare, that look of you are a complete idiot why are you even darkening my doorway with your stupid questions?

You can understand why I need the bottle to fix my deep seated issues of inadequacy. The wine doesn't judge me, it loves me for who I am and all my crazy ideas. Actually they not crazy they just so brilliant that no-one understands them... Well at least that's what I think, but that might just be my meglomaniac tendancies again... Hmmm.....